I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
