So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
