One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
