Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Randomize
