Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
