Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
