This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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