You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
