Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
