We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Is Oprah even human
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
