she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
My liver just had a heart attack.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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