it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
