There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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