He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
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Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
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If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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