My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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