remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
