Her vagina should come with caution tape.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
