i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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