it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
My feet surprised me
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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