i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
