I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
