i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
