Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
