Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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