I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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