If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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