I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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