I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
