As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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