I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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