If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
