If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
