I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
