is your mom at the bar?
Having a random hookup so left but love u
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
