I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
