His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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