I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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