Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
