Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
