Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
