I accidentally had phone sex last night
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
