kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
