Did you just see the Batmobile???
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
