apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
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