I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
