NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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