You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
