Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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