So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
