I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
