Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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