SEEEEXXX PLEASE
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
