so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
