youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
