Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
