Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
