Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
